I Was Depressed

I was so depressed, frustrated and anxious part of yesterday and today. Why? Because I chose to worry instead of having faith. Sometimes I think worry is my addiction of choice. Once I started to worry I let go of so many promises. And the more I worried the more I worried. Faith takes hold and holds on to what God says. Finally, when I admitted to God that I looked away from him and towards my own fears. I asked him to please come and get my mind in order. To take me fears and replace them with trust.

I feel better. How much better to trust God than to worry and lose faith.

Is This God?

I watched a movie about Joan of Arc last night. I was hoping it would bring me a deep respect for a person martyred for her faith. Instead the movie ends with God confronting her that she is a fake; and God's treatment of Joan of Arc was not a god of comfort but harsh judgement. While she faced burning at the stake God lists her many sins.

I felt sick. Is that the way God would face anyone ready to burn to death for their beliefs? I don't think so. I can imagine that even if she was mistaken; God in compassion would be by her side. In the Old Testament we have a god that goes into the furnace with his followers.

Today, I serve a god of compassion. He never tells us that life will be pain free. In fact he warns us of pain, sorrow and unfair treatment. What he does promise is that he will always be with us. That is a God of love. The media often portrays Christ and his followers as crazy, insensitive people. Let us be people that break those stereo types. Let us be people like Jesus, loving others to death.

I Want to Reach the People

I watched an old movie today, Sister Act. As I was watching the movie a line caught me. It referenced the fact the goal was to bring people into the church. Today, I must look at my goals for my church, and my faith. Am I stuck in a rut of trying to keep tradition at the expense of what will meet the people where they are in their lives? I want a faith which will reach all people, because it joins with their lives. Jesus walked with the people. He lived among sinners; and he changed a world.

Just Two

My church family set around the table eating soup and crackers. It was a very simple meal but we had a wonderful time and joined in prayer. When the evening was done we had joined hearts for God. I feel sad when members stop coming to church for silly reasons. Recently a member told me he stopped coming because some one gives him a hug as he comes in the church.

What he is missing, is a lot. He misses Jesus, music, friendship on and on. God tells us to join together. If we run into someone which bugs us- isn't it better to pray about it? Maybe God has put them in our way to get us on our knees. I have found no perfect church, but any church which wants to follow Jesus is a place for me. Because God says if even two people are there in his name, he is too.

Joined in Prayer

My church has begun praying. Tonight 13 people met, not to lecture, not to do anything but pray. I am excited to see results already from our prayer time. To see people joining for no reason other than to reach out to God simply made me fill with thanks.

I know that as we lifted up prayer after prayer God was honored. We were blessed and I am excited to see the results of people that humbly wait on the Lord.

Pray for us.

What A Wonderful Savior

I think God has an amazing outlook on us. He sees all people for what he created them to be. He does not focus on our faults but instead focuses on our potential. Gently and carefully he calls us forth by seeing what we can not. I believe he blows mercy on the faults and cheers even our little accomplishments. He always restores us to our highest good. What a wonderful Savior we serve.

Love is Challenged

This week I found out that someone I trusted is a pimp, and he drugged a girl age 15 to sell. And he did sell her. She will never be the same. When I heard this I felt like throwing up. I instantly wanted to hurt the man that sold this girl. I felt betrayed by him, sick for the girl and overwhelmed by all of it.

But Jesus loves that man. So I must also.

Second Hand Hurt

This week I have been with many people which are hurting because they chose to not do what God wants. One faces prison. One has a baby and no partner. On and on goes the pain. I hurt for them. I think God also hurts when we hurt. Though he is sad we don't listen and follow his path; he still grieves when we suffer for our choices. We serve a tender hearted God.

The Work of Christ

I have a friend which is living for Jesus. She lives in total poverty yet takes in others to help them not live on the streets. She has few friends, as many people think she is "strange" and she is. But of all of my friends, and myself included; she out does us all. She lives in unselfishness like Christ. Her actions speak louder than any sermon of Christ's love. I am in awe of a woman which can be so unselfish.

Pray for Revival

"God send down your spirit on America. Send revival. Quicken hearts to you and bring forth a people that will honor you. Pour down your Holy Spirit on me so that I may have my first fire. Let me be bold for my faith. Amen"

For over five years I have been praying just about that same prayer. Now I am seeing results. My pastor is catching the vision and has asked all the staff to join in prayer. Our church will be having three prayer meetings. We had one. My husband has drastically changed. Now we meet regularly to pray. A guest pastor has said he is joining with us for prayer, and I am hopeful he brings his church family.

I have learned a lesson. Keep praying. For over five years I have prayed and now revival is starting in my own church. Pray for us, pray for others. God is in control.

What Potiential We Have

I am reading a book about being disciplined in life for service for Christ. I guess it should be obvious that we should be disciplined, but what occurred to me as I read this book is that we have such an opportunity for changing the world by our simple choices.

When I plan my day, do I call someone hurting? Do I eat to be in health? Do I choose friendships that will help me to grow as a person? Everything I do can make me a better person; or put me in the world of being simple minded. I can invest in my future by my choices today.

As I think about these things, I am in awe of the potential I may loose. I am humbled to realize the power that each person has for their destiny and others around them. I am going to meditate on what Jesus would do in his life. Choices he would make with his time.

God is a god of balance; compassion and insight. May I be also.

Today I Choose God

Sometimes I feel like a hypocrite. I don't "feel" in love with God, and I see my standards as lower than I want. I question how valid is my faith. But faith is not a feeling. It is a choice. Today I choose to believe in a God that loves me; regardless of how I feel. I choose to believe that my god is one which loves mankind enough to send his own dear son.

I think even Jesus had times he did not understand all things. When he was hanging on the cross he cried out to his father- "Why have you forgotten me?" But, he still believed and still did what his father called. Faith is a choice. Today I choose God.

What Did the Leaders Do?

I love to read about famous Christian's which move mountains. I was thinking last night what things they all seem to have in common:

1. Jesus is their number one priority.
2. They often take a walk of poverty.
3. They sacrifice.
4. They don't let set backs keep them from their goals.
5. Often they have abandon the traditions of men. They follow God only.
6. They seek to have service for man kind.
7. They have people that try to give them to give up on their mission.
8. Other's note them for their boldness.
9. They are humble.
10. They work hard.

A pretty tall order: but these are all things Jesus the example did. I hope to learn from their example.

Tired and in Praise

I am so tired lately. But, it is a good tired. I have had a very stressful summer. Now that fall is coming around I find I am so tired. Finally my body is beginning to rest after so much stress. Some of my problems are less: some are not. What has changed is my faith. Through all my stresses I finally, "got it". I need to let God take care of my problems. And, I am.

As I watch life change around me, I am resting in Jesus. Through God's great power he has brought me to the place I am able to just relax and let him care for me. As this miracle unfolds in my life I am in praise and humbled. God is good! I thank him for letting me turn my troubles over to him and just letting him take care of them. That is a God which calms storms and I can trust him no matter what the out come.

It's All About His Will

I was in my women's study group today. For some reason I felt miserable there. I was depressed, anxious and wanted to bolt at the door. The hour seemed so long and I was so restless. But, faith and serving God is not "all about me". It is all about God. During the meeting I spoke a couple of times. Afterwards several woman thanked me for what I shared. Two women told me that when I offered closing prayer, chills ran up and down their bodies.

We don't always go to get. Sometimes God has us go places to give. That is service. Today God had me go to give. Other times I go and get.

Jesus, was the example of unselfish love. Never did he seek recognition, praise or his own agenda. He lived to serve. I am glad that today I was able to be used. Other times I will go and receive, but today I am glad to give service.

In A Rut

Sometimes I get in a rut. I maul over in my head that I really wish I could do more things for God. I feel frustrated that my life seems to make so little impact. But, I don't believe that is God's way. God does not ask us how much we can produce. He asks us if we are willing to be used by him. And, daily I commit my life to him and his work.

Well, this morning I was again doing the, "Your life hasn't done much..." thing when God had his way of confirming I am on the right path. In my email account was a letter from a girl I helped keep from committing suicide six years ago. I really had forgotten all about the whole situation.
But, she told me that had no idea of how I helped her. Today she is healthy and doing well.

God does not measure us by "how many, or how big" our service is to him. He measures our willingness. So for today, I commit my day and life to him. I love the journey with a God that cares.

Praying?

Fresh Wind, Fresh Fire Author: Cymbala

I am reading again and rereading this book. What a testimony to the power of prayer. Anyone which wants to see the power of prayer should read this book. Our church is starting to put more effort into prayer. I know we will see results. But, honestly; I am sceptical. Too many times we get derailed. Our intentions are good, but we fly by in life not taking the time to pray. I am guilt of this also. I wonder how often God must question our little use of prayer and fasting.

Pray for my church. We want to have the power of God in a mighty way. Keep us on our knees.

Read a good book? Post it here. I love to read and lately God has brought some good ones along my path. But, I am always looking for more books that will enhance my walk with God.

My Life Today

I was thinking about my life today. For most it would look pretty plain. A woman on disability- big deal! But, as I reflect on my life is has been a life of extraordinary joy. I have a faithful husband, a loving family and I am comfortable. I have friends in abundance and feel a purpose to my life. What amount of money can buy what God has so generously provided?

I am thankful for all the things God gives. I, too, have problems: but for today-I have joy!

Coincidence? I Think Not!

I have been praying for a member which was missing. Then tonight I decided to go shopping. That is not like me. I am not a night person. Once I had my stuff, I just lingered in the store: then it happened. I saw the member I have been praying about. I went over to him and teased him about disappearing. He smiled and then poured out his heart about his life, troubles and feelings of unworthiness to be with us at church.

I went into my mother mode; loving him and letting him know I cared. We were not in judgement of him, we just wanted him back. He was in joy again, and promised to come back to church.

Sceptics would say our meeting was a coincidence. I say it was a God appointment. God answers prayers. I simply have to many coincidences. Pray for my friend. He relapsed. He is afraid; but he is a child of God and God has a work for him.

Detox

I am on a detox diet. I don't usually make it the amount of time I am supposed to wait. I get sick as the toxins start coming out; and I bail out. But, I have realized I often need spiritual detox. God needs to clean my mind, and heart. I imagine it makes him sick to see the junk I store up: judgements of others, critical spirit, or many other things.

Today, as I detox; I need to remember I want a pure heart also.

Laughing at Myself

Do you ever stop and laugh at yourself? I do often. Sometimes I have to laugh when I realize that I am wrong, and thought I was right. Boy, can we fool ourselves. Recently someone told me something I thought was so off base. I was irritated that they would misunderstand me so much. As I thought of this, I realized: "Hey, maybe you are not understanding them." Maybe I was the one over reacting to their comment. I had to laugh at my own sensitivity.

Isn't it great that God gets the judging job! If I can't even see myself accurately; how would I ever see someone else in the right way. How wonderful to know we have a judge that sees the whole picture; and always knows the correct answer. What a relief!

I Am Thankful

This year has been a hard year for those which invest in real estate. We make part of our living this way also. The interesting part is that this hard year and half has driven us closer to God. Tonight we met with a friend which is in the same boat as we are in. He too, makes his living by investing in real estate. He too; if finding Jesus in the storm.

Though this year, is hard; somehow I am rejoicing. That is a miracle and I am glad for a miracle making God. If we lose our property-I am calm, if we don't: I am calm.

I am thankful for God's calm in this storm. I hope I continue to trust in His walk.

A Humbled Mother

The two most important jobs in the world are being good mothers and fathers. I am reading a book about Rick Warner. He is the author of the famous book Purpose Driven Life. I am learning many things about the man which wrote the book: but what impacts me is the way his parent's consist ant Christian life set the mold for his humble obedience to God.

Together Mom and Dad had a vision for Jesus, and the son carried that simple vision. This family lived for God. Many missionaries started being trained in the arms of woman dedicated to God; and under the hand of father's with a purpose.

I am continually humbled with my responsibility to God; my children. Pray for our children.

This is Me

"Pull something out of your purse that tells us about you". An ice breaker for our women's study. Women pulled out many objects, but the one that struck me was a bottle of pills. A woman held up a bottle of pills, "This is me, thanks to ___company which hit me." She held up her pain pills.

I filled with sympathy for this woman, not because of her suffering but because of a greater loss. She lost the ability to see joy. I am on total disability, many times I am sick: but joy is all around me. When I breath fresh air; when I hear a bird sing; when a friend calls. I have compassion for this woman, I remember being very sick. But it was when I learned to just give God the day I was on, and do my best that I also learned about joy.

I will be in prayer for this dear woman. Because Joy is a gift from God. When we learn to praise, we have joy.

Stormy Weather

Tomorrow the leadership in our church is meeting to prepare to dwell in prayer. I am excited as I anticipate the outpouring of the Holy Spirit. As we unify over God, great things will happen. When the disciples joined in the upper room, the Holy Spirit came and over 5000 accepted Jesus in one day. What will our prayer time yield? I don't know; but God will be honored, and we will expect stormy weather here: as rain of God pours down. Drench us Jesus!

Auntie

One of my best friends just became a grandmother. She is so excited, and I am happy for her. But she has started bringing her daughter and grand daughter with us when we do things. This has been really bugging me. All I hear during our times together is about the baby. I have felt frustrated and irritated. So I started praying about it. I realized we have been praying for the daughter three years to come to God. Now she wants to spend time with us and to share her baby with us. My eyes opened that maybe this was God's plan to reach out to her. I also realized that I sure would have appreciated someone along the way including my children: even when they did not feel like it. As a "family" we can nurture my friend's daughter and grand daughter. I can become "an Auntie"; and perhaps be used by God to touch two lives.

I need to humbly submit to this new plan. Sometimes being a Christian is not doing what you want, but doing what is right. So I will be a new Auntie, and in time love it. Because right now God has put a new life in my life. God is in control.

Women's Group.

Today I meet with a group of women which have become dear to me. These are my woman's bible study group. For fifteen years these woman have faithfully met. I would like to see what God has done through this faithful group. When I am in heaven there will be a great reunion as woman, after woman meets again.

I owe a great deal of thanks to those women which started the group; to those women who have sacrificed to keep the group going and to those women which faithfully pray.

Jesus likes fellowship. When we are with other believers we grow. Thank God for unselfish people that allow themselves to be used in service. God bless them.

Sweet Music

Lovely, lovely, lovely. Tonight I had the sheer joy of watching our youth kneel in prayer. If music could be sweeter than humble teens in prayer- I don't know it. I listened and watched these teens honestly call on God. Some called for family members. Some called for friends in addiction. For half an hour children called on God. If that isn't music, then what is?

Oh, pray for our youth. Angels circled our children tonight. We have youth seeking God. That is a mighty force!

Walking Shoes

An interesting thing has happened to me. I have discovered the very best way to follow Jesus is to follow Jesus. I used to try and do what a church would tell me, or what others might think was correct.

However, one day I read a text in Isiah which said something like this. "Fear [love] God and keep his commandments. This is the whole duty of man." So simple. There are only ten commandments, and loving God, easy. I discovered the same principle in Revelation. And I noticed in Genesis; the same thing. They were to love God, and be with him. How much more simple.

I could easily keep ten commandments and love God. So I started to just focus on those two things. Soon I noticed God leading me every where, and I started wanting a holier and holier life. Today my life is an adventure. I have on my spiritual walking shoes as I just walk following Jesus. Every day is a new. Fear God, keep his commandments. How simple is that?

There is a Miracle

There is a miracle that has happened in my life. I am calm. That may sound like not much, but for me it is a miracle. I am on disability for anxiety and to be calm right now is God's work. My husband and I make a living in estate. The real estate market here, is terrible; and as I watch our properties not sell- draining us financially...I am calm. This is the power of God, and it has opened a new door to me on trusting God. Today, God has things in control. Tomorrow God will have things in control and yesterday God had things in control. So I will wait, pray and hopefully keep trusting. He will sell our property when the time is right. For now, I will just keep resting in peace.

Old Friends

Today I was able to reconnect with an old friend. What joy that was. It just makes me think about the joy when we get to heaven and can meet all our old friends. What a great day that will be!

Higher Standard

Yesterday I was off to the movies. Then as I started to go down the street towards my theater, I faced my decision to avoid movies. I don't believe all movies are bad; but unless a movie is rated G; I know something in it is tagged as offensive: language, sexual content, violence. I don't want any of these values enforced in my self. The bible teaches purity and tells us to focus on things above. So a struggle pulled at me; to go or not go. Eventually I drove myself home. I missed my movie, and today still am struggling with wanting to go. But, I am looking for a pure heart, and holy character. Life is made of choices. Today I choose things that will bring me to a higher standard.

Starngest Thing...Two

After speaking at Woman's Retreat and getting little feedback, I was mystified. Usually I have many people give me feed back. I sought God in prayer and spent many hours and days asking God for a bold testimony, so when I got hardly any feed back I did not understand it. I did not want any glory but was concerned that perhaps the message God wanted me to speak- I had not made clear.

But the next day, when I went to meetings the comments came to me. Woman began to approach me. Woman after woman came to me telling me how much what I said had touched them. One woman told me that my words had been so powerful to her, she went home speechless; and felt I was living in her world.

I am learning an important lesson. My job is to obey, and to trust God with the results.

Strangest Thing....

The strangest thing happened to me......

I was asked to give my testimony to a group of women at a Women's Retreat. Usually this would not have been a hard task. I love God, and public speaking does not scare me a bit. But this time I was so troubled. Very troubled. God clearly told me that someone needed to hear a testimony which was both a very painful time in my life but showed the powerful care in God during that time in my life.

I did not mind sharing this most personal testimony, but I was so troubled that this powerful testimony would be received wrong. I felt that God had put a great responsibility on my shoulders. So I prayed many hours and many days. My soul was humbled as I cried out to God. But I could not get that deep peace that I knew is a symbol that God has sealed my actions. This drove me into even deeper prayer.

Finally, just before my scheduled speaking time: the peace came. I gave my testimony and it was bold and powerful. But I got very little feed back. This is very unusual for me. So I went to bed again I spent hours praying to God. "What God was wrong? Why am I so troubled? I do not have peace. Reveal to me what you want to say."

God brought to my mind a woman which had talked to me earlier. God told me, "Your message was what I wanted to you to say: but this sister was so busy in her own world, caught up trying to work out problems without me, she did not hear you."

I felt humbled as God talked to me, because I realized that many times I too have missed God's speaking- because I too; have been so busy trying to find answers, that I have not listened to the provision God has clearly given.

I will be praying for my sister in Jesus; but I will also be praying that I do not try and do God's job. Worrying constantly, and not trusting. That is not having faith. When my mind worries I am not listening. God is a God of provisions, and already has a plan for my problems. I need to trust him with all things, at all times.

Power in Prayer

I just came back from a Women's Retreat and was very interested in so many things I learned. The most interesting thing I learned was not things on the schedule. I had not seen many of these women for three years. As I watched these old friends, I realized many prayers I had prayed for these woman had been answered.

I sat in amazement that my prayers had done so much, and for the amount of prayer time I had given- I saw try answers. One woman I had prayed would loose weight. She had two tiny children and weighed 280 pounds. I fear for her life. Here was my friend and she had lost 100 pounds, more than a third of her body weight.

I come back humbled by the power of prayer, and in a daze. I am wondering what I would have seen if I had been even more in prayer. I am discovering that prayer has much more power than I even dreamed it could have.

I hope I spend much more time on my knees. For I serve an awesome God.

I Don't Know What to Do

I listened to the pain of a friend recently. Her husband is working himself to death and she does not not know how to help him. So she is trying to figure out a way to do the jobs for him he can not do.



As I listened I wondered how we could help this couple. God is a God that has all things in order. I do not know the answer; so I will seek God and wait for his guidance. These friends love God, and God never fails. My duty now is to be in prayer on my knees and to wait on God.

God knows the answers I do not, and I will trust him.

Responsibility to God

Recently I wrote a letter to ABC thanking them for programming which embraced moral content. I also asked them to consider more family values in programing. I doubt anything will come of my letter except to receive a form letter thanking me for contacting them.

The problem is that I, as well as other Christian's, oftne send mixed messages. The other day I watched a movie with women in their underwear. I rationalized that the rest of the movie was good. But, I can't imagine that kind of criteria with Jesus. Would he say, "Oh, it's OK: the rest of the movie is good." Jesus does not hang around immoral situations, so why do I? Because I have become numb in a culture which is bold in its sin.

I need to become bold in my faith. When sin comes, I hope I become offended enough to throw away DVDs that are not pure. To walk out of movies which promote values I find offensive.

Taking a stand for Jesus should mean in daily life I stand up for what I believe. I can't throw stones at ABC, if I am watching those programs which are not pure. My responsibility is to God, and I hope I become more responsible.

Always Thankful

I have a friend which was raped three times, by three different men by the time she was 16. What amazes me is she stays happy and praising God. Her view is that all of life can be in God's hands. He does nothing without a purpose and that when bad things happen, we can turn them to God to make good things.

I want a faith like my friend. She loves, and trusts God no matter what.

15 Hour Day

I had a headache which lasted over 15 hours today. When it was done I was so thankful for so many thing. Thankful it finally was over. Thankful for medications which finally took the headache away. Thankful for a husband patient enough to have me stop working as I deal with my headache. Thankful that I don't live in that pain all the time.

I think sometimes, we just need to really think about the simple things to be thankful for in life. I hope I don't have another headache soon: but I am glad when I can find praise in all of life. And I am thankful that God give us thing to praise.

Sometimes joy can be found in unusually ways: like just not having a headache.

God's Plans Unfold

Sometimes miracles happen before our eyes. Recently I have seen two situations I felt were impossible to happen, happen. And both were after prayer. I don't understand prayer at all. Sometimes I barely pray and then changes come, other times I pray for what seems too long and still wait. I am refreshed when I see "miracles" before my eyes.

Though I do not understand God's plans, or timing. I still see evidence of his movement. And I am glad to see things unfold when God works.

What Can Prayer Do

What can prayer do?

I am convinced that much is lost because we no longer know how to pray and fast. It is an art not studied in churches and has become almost a lost art. Prayer always started great ministries. Jesus fasted and prayed 40 days to start his ministry. What do we do?

A few years ago I learned of a praying woman in modern history. She was a poor woman with little means. But, she became so disturbed by the lack of spiritual influence in her country she shut herself in her apartment for three days. During that time she cried out to God in prayer. She cried out to God, asking what she could do and asking for His power.

At the end of her three days she came out boldly. She decided that the largest prison in her country needed Jesus. So she went before the leader of the largest prison in that communist country. She wanted to share the gospel. In disbelief, the leadership approved of her distributing religious literature to every inmate.

I don't understand the power of prayer. But clearly, it is the key to changes. I need to become a praying Christian.

Orphans Around Us

The greatest influence in my Christian life has been my mother. She is a godly woman, and a woman of deep service. Her love for God lit a fire in me to know God also.

The power of a mother is mighty. But today many children grow up with shells of mothers. Mom's that are addicted to drugs, alcohol, over work or any other distraction. Who then raises the children?

Perhaps it should be us. The family of God. I need to push my bounds, love the children God places around me. And that will be a prayer on my heart: to serve the "orphans" in our church family.

Returning to God

I am troubled today about our culture. It seems morality has become something of the past. God made morals for our benefit, not his. And when we throw out a moral culture, we gain an immoral culture. The results are lots of suffering. God knows what He is doing.

Satan often makes sin look attractive. The friendly drinker, that later makes the alcoholic. The sex out of marriage, that seems so much fun; until illness, pregnancy or lack of relationship results.

God is a God of compassion and he knows what will keep us happy. What can be done to bring morality back? Returning to a loving God and obeying his commands.