Offensive Faith

My husband says that lately my moods are like the stock market: up then crashing down. He is right. I am an emotional mess sometimes. Today, I am up; but yesterday I was in bed much of the day.

One of my friends, trying to help me kept telling me "Let go, let God" about the pressures I am facing. I know that, and her comments came across to me as insensitive and simplistic. I have a medical condition which dances with my emotions-stress brings out this illness. Right now my family is in a lot of stress. To say flippant comments in regards to me, made me feel frustrated; angry and unheard.

I am thankful that my friend was trying to help me. And I am thankful for my friend. But, better if she had just said, "Hey, I am sorry you are dealing with so much stress. Want to talk about it?"

I think Jesus was a person that really was a great listener. He cared about details in life, a true friend. When I am tempted to make other people's concerns minimal; I hope I will remember to stand with a person and not make my faith offensive.

For Today I Am Walking

I was walking through the trees Saturday praying. "God my life is so stressed out and I want to believe you are in control, but I feel awful. I know you are there- but I feel bad."

As I was praying and singing to God, I saw in my mind clouds surrounding me: big, storm clouds. Though I was surrounded by clouds I felt peaceful but did not know what to do. I stood there wondering where to go. Then a bright light burst through the clouds. It lit the path before me, and I could see just enough to keep walking.

Then it hit me. God is still with me. He is in power and shines His love on me. I don't need to know how far to go, what pace or where. I just need to keep walking and as I keep walking the clouds will part.

So, for today, I am walking in faith.

Still in Control

Where is God when you need Him? Have you ever wondered just where is God? I have. Life is not easy- sometimes it is plan hard:real hard. When you go through a divorce, and the family is torn apart. When you lose the job of your dreams in a down size. What is easy about that? But, as I review my hard places I often discover I have learned lesson that nothing else could give me.

When my daughter was dieing in the hospital. I learned faith; praying and giving her to God. I was at peace. Then the miracle happened. Though she was to die- she didn't.

When I came down with an illness which dogs me so much of my life. I learned deeper compassion. I understood the frustration of wanting to move forward; but being stuck in a body that did not want to move.

Right now, I am in one of those hard places. I do have a choice. I can trust and keep moving. Or I can fear and stop moving.

Many times Jesus also suffered pain, and even fear I believe. When He was on the cross he cried out, "Why have you forsaken me?" But, He still hung there in faith. He still believed His father was in control. I want that kind of faith too.

The good new is- His father was in control; and we have salvation now.

You Shall Find Rest

Recently I have been battling depression, anxiety. I am not winning. I am tired and worn out. My anxiety illness has me sick. I have a lot going on in my life. Last night I was crying and praying. Where is my faith and trust that God is in control? My faith falls short.

Matt 11:28-30

Come unto me, all you that labor and are heavy laden, I will give you
rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me: for I am meek and lowly in
heart and you shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.

This is my prayer, to learn to give it to God and stop carrying my own weight on my shoulders. Either God is in control or He is not. I chose to believe He is: and I need to have the faith to stop worrying as if He is not.

An Encourager

Recently I have been trying to make some changes in my life style. But, as usual; I fell on my face. I was busy looking at my lack of goof ups and expected to be chastised by those whice were taking the road with me. But, instead they rallied around me with encouragement.

"You have made lots of progress- think where you came from!"

"Hey, this is going to take time. Just keep going."

I want to be like my friends. I want to be an encouraging person. I can imagine that Jesus was the biggest fan of all man kind. We constantly see him cheering people and lifting them up. I want to be an encourager.

Commitment to Christ

I was sitting with friends last night I watched as they shared. One member particularly had grown so much in the year and half we have met. But, each member has changed. I have watched people bloom. The secret? Commitment. For almost two years we have met and read books on relationships and Godly principles. As each person takes away from the group some new thing he/ she was learning they continue to change and grow.

Commitment is needed in our experience with God also. When we commit to knowing Him, we change too. It is not commitment to going to church. Commitment to doing "good works" or any other side track road. It is commitment to knowing Christ.

Character Toxins

On my desk is a piece of mail about removing toxins from my home. It has made me think about toxins in my life. I have things I am not very proud of. I can become angry easily. I can judge people by a not very compassionate standard.

I drive others and myself; when what is needed is simply understanding. So, as I look around my house for toxins to remove. Perhaps I will take time today to pray and meditate on toxins in my character. Then I will take these items in prayer to the toxin manager: Jesus.

Eye on the Ball

When I was a little girl I was trying to learn how to play baseball. I would keep trying to look at the bat to make sure it was in the right place, and I kept failing miserably. Then someone called out to me, "Keep your eye on the ball!" Instead of focusing on the bat, focus on the ball. Changing my watch made a big difference.

Sometimes I forget to change my outlook concerning spiritual things. I look at my short comings and get so focused on them; I forget to keep my focus on the over comer of short comings. I focus on me; not God.

Today, I hope to remember to keep my eye on Jesus and not myself and my world.

Traditional Church

I love to read and one of the things that I love to read are books about famous Christians. What interests me the most is that anyone I read about often was in opposition to traditional teaching. God spoke to that person's heart and they took up God. Often this meant they opposed the traditions of those around them; and this confused them. Where they wrong- how come they did not fit into the traditional church of the time?

Perhaps the traditional church was not wrong when it started; but through time, and traditions the traditional church lost its first love. I struggle with this. What on earth is God telling me? Do my values match my idea of tradition? Usually not. But, I chose to keep marching as I feel God is leading.

That is also something I have observed. Those which moved mountains in faith had a similar pattern among themselves. Focus on God, and keep walking.

High Shoes

Today I smiled as I watched a woman clean her car in high shoes. I thought about myself and how often I do things in such odd ways. For a year I have left a job undone that took 15 minutes- why? Because I was afraid to read the directions. I thought the job would be a big one; but it was a piece of cake.

Sometimes I feel I am the same way with my faith. I can make a big chore out of something that is much easier. I worry if I am pleasing God. I worry if I am obedient. I worry that I won't be deceived. This is not God's plan- it's my plan. Jesus wants us to come to him, be with him and let him take care of us.

His plan is so much better than mine!

Let the Son Shine In!

If I stood in my livingroom trying to drive out the darkness by pushing, wishing, even praying- little would probably happen. The fact is that I have to put light in to take darkness out.

Recently I was reading about letting the light of Jesus flood our souls. Push out darkness by focusing on having Christ in us. That makes sense! Does it make more sense to try and stop, "sinning", but not focusing on Jesus?

I have tried that many times. What happens? Well, I get frustrated and focus on myself instead of God. Why not spend more time with Him, so that I naturally am offended by sin and its ugliness?

Jesus, to me was the example of total sacrifice, kindness and compassion. I am tired of fighting sin: when I could be using that time to really focus on Jesus. When I am in relationship with Jesus, sin looks so ugly I don't want it in me. It becomes offensive to me, and I naturally want to give it up. So today- let the Son shine in!

Trusting Him to Lead

Recently I was in a real circle of my own misery. I was so concerned that I may not see God's will; I actually was not doing his will. I was not trusting him to lead me.

Proverbs 3:6 says: In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy path.

God promises to lead us. It is my duty to believe him and move forward. I don't have to see the path- I just have to keep walking in faith.

Bad Report

Today my father had a very bad report. His doctor told him that his heart is old and giving out. My mother and I held back tears realizing that soon my father will be dieing. How soon- I don't know; but his death is by choice. Seven years ago he had a major heart attack and doctors then told him he had to change his diet and life style. But, he refused to listen. So now- seven years later he is panting for air and struggling to hold on to life. It was a sad day for us. He is alive; but daily I wonder about what will happen.

As I thought about my dad, I thought about sin. Jesus tells us what to do about it; but often we chose to continue in it. Eventually it takes so much from us. But, in rebellion we keep on: often ending up with bitterness and sorrow.

Still Walking

This past weekend I was so sick. And, I was angry at God. Why do I have to be so sick sometimes? Can't you heal this crazy illness- I just need a little help here!

Well, I doubt God was all that shaken by my frustration. Sometimes I think God must get frustrated at us. He never promised us everything would be great- he simply promised us he would be with us. And, looking at His life: it was not all easy for him either.

God sent no message to me, "This is why you suffer this illness......" But, I keep walking in faith. I believe in God, and trust him.

Trust Him Daily

"What is God's will?", is often a question I ask myself. And I wonder if I am even getting close to the mark. I am not impressed when someone tells me, "God told me...." and then comes out with some ridiculous theory. I have been troubled that maybe I too, chase my desires and then put God's name on it. I hope not. But, as I have been thinking and praying earnestly many thoughts have come my way.

1. Am I totally surrendered in what God would have me do? Or do I tell God what His will is?
2. Can I trust God? Will He let me hopelessly fall into a strange path without His guidance?
3. Is God honored as I worry and fret, wondering if I am doing His will? I don't think so.

I believe that doing God's will is being honest with him, trusting He is leading and then following the path. He never asks us to go ahead, nor to regret the past. He asks us to trust him daily.

I hope I remember what I am learning. Because I do want to do His will.

Rat in the Wheel

Last night I was in bed thinking that my life is more like the rat in the wheel. Round and round, with no where going, just working for no purpose. I am exhausted and the more I work the more I seem to go no where. Is that true? Of course not. God is in control. He is the one which can direct my path, and He is the one in control of all things. But, my repsonsibility to Him is to let him do that. I can become a worry addict. It is not that I want to do that, but genetically and maybe through training I battle anxiety. Only God can stop the wheel.

And so for today- I am letting God put the stop on the wheel. I am getting off and just resting.

Can I Give My All?

Yesterday I saw the movie Amazing Grace. I was touched as I saw the commitment of the star seeking God's will and acting on it even though it cost him a lot. Recently I am running into different things which challenge me and my thinking. How much am I really doing for Jesus? How unselfish is my service? If God calls me to give my all- can I? I am seeking God. What would you have me to do- is my deep prayer. I am also praying, let me willing to give all to you regardless of the sacrifice; and keep me strong enough for the journey.

In Balance

I went to see a friend which had been very sick for three weeks. Then I met another friend which has been very sick for two weeks. As I listened to my friends and saw how tired and worn out they looked I felt sad. I felt sad for their misery but I also felt sad that I did not even know. How can good friends be sick and I did not know?

Lately I have been swirling with too much activity. My life runs and I rarely take the time to breath. Is this God's plan for my life? Pushing myself, always driving? I don't think so. I think God is a God of beauty and peace. Look at the model of the first home in earth, a lovely garden where in the evening the residents met with God for a chat.

I am in prayer. What would God have me to do, in making my life more simple.? He is a God of balance, and I believe that our world is out of balance. Too busy to care for important things anymore, just too busy. I am in prayer to make my life as God wants, in balance.