God Restored My Joy

By Carrie Joy

It started with just a niggling curiosity. Our church Council and the assistant pastor met behind closed doors day after day, week after week, giving no hint of their conversations. The Council eventually decided, following a church survey, to add a youth pastor and half-time secretary, as well as replacing our retired senior pastor. They took this arduous process very seriously. As church secretary, I hoped to gain an insider’s edge on their thinking. But their lips were sealed as tight as the lid on a new jar of jelly.

Finally, a few days before the Council’s announcement of their recommendations, I was visiting with Donna, a good friend and the wife of one of the Council members.

“Oh, this has been such a long process!” she said. “Mike is so intent on leaving no stone unturned and making sure these recommendations are Spirit-led and agreeable to everyone.”

“So, has Mike used you as a sounding board?” I asked.

“Yes, yes, we’ve talked all around possible recommendations. Has Pastor Ron talked to you about it?”

“No, not at all,” I replied.

“Really. Hmmm. Well, I know they’re all being very cautious.”

“So what are some conclusions they’ve come to?”

“Oh, I’m sorry, Carrie, really, but I’m not allowed to tell anyone that.”

“I suppose not,” I answered, and dropped the subject.

Something is wrong with this picture, I thought to myself in the days that followed. Shouldn’t I be at least a little bit informed as to where the Council is headed?

Over several weeks I also had visited with Naomi, Pastor Ron’s wife. Though a close friend of mine, she, too, had to remain silent on the matter.

James the apostle warned: “but each of you is tempted when you are dragged away by your own evil desire and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin . . .” James 1:14, 15

My curiosity turned to sin when I embraced the idea that it should be my right, as church secretary, to know more. After all, no doubt the spouse of every Council member knew all about the proposals, and they weren’t even on staff! These thoughts festered over a week until I took such offense that I felt hurt, even betrayed by Pastor Ron and Naomi. I was miserable.

Two days after the recommendations were announced, I met with Pastor Ron to clear up this matter. Tearfully I declared, “I feel so de-valued. I’m not part of a team here; I’m just a secretary who does a whole lot of work no one else wants to do! Why, when these recommendations will so greatly affect me, was I not informed about them at all? Am I really considered untrustworthy?”

With great patience Ron replied, “Naomi and I have purposely kept this from anyone because of my awkward position—she and I have wrestled with whether to accept the Council’s nomination for senior pastor. The Council needed time to process the congregation’s suggestions and to pray and discuss whether to recommend adding a youth pastor. Informing the whole congregation of this discussion early on would have created much speculation and possible dissention. I’m sorry you feel this way. I assure you our intention was not to hurt you; we see you as a valuable, trustworthy staff member.”

Our conversation left me with a choice. I could continue to remain bent out of shape, or I could choose to give my hurt and anger to the Lord and ask for His healing. I don’t like turmoil; I wanted the peace and joy of the Lord back in my life! That night I prayed, “Lord, take these hurts and this injustice as I see it. I still don’t totally understand why Naomi couldn’t talk some of this over with me, but I let it go. I give this whole situation to You. I trust You to bring my feelings around.”

The next morning I continued my study of the book of James. I was struck by verse 21 in the first chapter: “Therefore, get rid of . . . the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you. . .” Accept the Truth. Then I remembered 1 Corinthians 13:5: “[Love] . . . is not self-seeking; is not easily angered; it keeps no record of wrongs;” (TNIV) The truth of those versus cut to the quick.

“Forgive me, Father,” I prayed. “Forgive me for reacting selfishly, for choosing to be angry and to keep a record of perceived wrongs. Cleanse me and restore the right spirit within me.”

About an hour later, our gracious, loving Father restored my spirit. Over the radio poured Michael W. Smith’s voice singing: Healing Rain: “. . . Healing rain is coming down. It’s coming closer to the lost and found. Tears of joy, and tears of shame are washed forever in Jesus’ name . . .”

The joy and peace of the Lord flooded my heart, and I cried aloud, “Thank you, Father!”

That day I e-mailed apologies to both Pastor Ron and Naomi for my resentment toward them. Ron wrote back kind words, including, “PTL! I am so grateful that, even in the midst of hurts and misunderstandings, God hasn’t given up on any of us!”

Amen!

Carrie Joy writes from Corvallis, Oregon. carolyn.7@comcast.net