Corrected In Love

By Linda Callahan

Recently I was in a group with several people, when one of the members lashed out at another. I was taken aback a bit, and it nearly took my breath away. The receiver, too, sort of stumbled along, and I felt hurt for him. I am sure the woman who lashed out did not realize how harsh she sounded, nor did she probably mean the remarks to sound so unkind. It was an eye opener to me, however, on how quickly we can hurt someone. I am sure many times people have been the recipient of my unkind remarks, and I do not realize the pain I have caused.

It seems to me that many times Christian people feel at liberty to "correct" their brother or sister in Christ. Often, the methods they use are really nothing more than ways to hurt under the name of correction. Jesus must have been bugged by this too, because He points out to us to be careful: "Stop judging others, and you will not be judged. For others will treat you as you treat them. Whatever measure you use in judging others, it will be used to measure how you are judged. And why worry about a speck in your friend's eye when you have a log in your own?" Matthew 7:1-3 (Recovery Bible)

There ARE times to judge and correct. We fear how to do this, but I have been corrected in the past with the person correcting me doing it in love. It was a very painful time, but his correction brought restoration. He followed the Bible manner.

I was 17 and in college. I really did not care about my education, and was in school more to keep from being kicked out of the home. My parents were strict and I knew that, since I was out of high school, it was either move or go to college. College sounded like a much better option. I, too, was one of those statistics of people graduating with very little education. Being the product of a poor school district, one teacher told me that as long as I showed up I would pass, and that worked. I learned nothing, really. I came to classes, sat there and never took homework. I did pass, and when I looked at the options of being on my own, I quickly signed up for cooking and sewing classes to boost my G.P.A. Soon I found myself illiterate and in college. I was a bit overwhelmed, but loved being in a dorm with so many friends. To me, this was a new kind of day camp. Go to school in the day; play around the rest of the time!

Then the reality of my lack of education crashed in on me. My required English class had me writing. I did my homework, but often it had more red marks than black. Circles, scratch-outs and symbols of my illiteracy covered the pages. I was distressed, but had no idea how to improve on the papers I was turning in. Finally, at the end of the quarter, my professor, Dr Dunn, called me into his office.

"Linda, I want to read you something." He began to read me the most horrid paper! It was confusing and hard to follow. I was horrified as I realized it was my own writing!

"That's not what I meant!" I stated.

"I know, but that's what you wrote. Now let me read it to you in another way." He read it with the punctuation where it should be, and the grammer cleaned up.

"Linda, you are one of the most talented students I have, but this is sloppy, and no one can understand it. You have great talent, but written this way, who would know? I am failing you."

My heart screamed in pain. Failing! I never had failed any class before, and the horror of it panicked me. I begged and pleaded with him to let me do the test over, or do "extra credit.” These methods had always worked for me before. "No, you need to learn some skills" he said. "Take the class over and I will tutor you once a week for the next quarter. It will be your job to come, but I will be here."

True to his word, that is what happened. Each week I would strain through the grueling process of defining what I needed to change. I would be baffled by the many things he taught me, but tried to use these new skills. Even after a quarter of tutoring, I still struggled. But I passed and moved on in my life. Today I write with no more circles!

Matthew 18:15 tells us exactly how to correct our brothers: "If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you." (NIV)

Dr. Dunn showed me true Christian love in the following ways:
1. He corrected me privately.
2. He pointed out my good qualities.
3. He restored me.
4. He sacrificed his time and effort for me.
5. He made me a better person.
6. He spoke with kindness and honesty.
I am 53 now, and I am still "in love" with my professor. He loved me enough to honestly correct me. Correction is biblical, but love and restoration should always be the basis.

Linda Callahan writes from Central Point, Oregon.